fu c k i ng chris
do e s thi s
t ype w
r i t er
w o r k
Normally I’m not like this at all. Little stupid things don’t typically get under my skin like the way they are today. It’d be one thing if the weather sucked or I was swamped with homework or I had at least SOMETHING to blame it on besides the fact that you’re gone. But it’s sunny and gorgeous outside and I’m ahead on school work and for once I actually have enough money in my account for my upcoming payments that are due. I’m not stressed. I’m not frustrated. I’m not angry at anyone. I’m just a little sad. The kind of sadness that just sinks deep in my stomach and makes each step feel heavy. I really miss you Shaina and on Wednesday it’ll be five years since you’ve passed. It doesn’t really get any easier. I remember feeling like this last year around this time. And the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that, too. I wish I could distract myself from this funk but it’s looming over me and I can’t ignore it. I can’t blame it on something else and brush it off. The feeling doesn’t go away. Nothing I do can fill the hollow void in my chest that I feel with each exhale. I love you and miss you each and every day that passes. Please give me the strength to make it through this rough week.
- Expectations: I'm just going to take a quick power nap and I'll wake up refreshed and energized.
- Reality: Passed out cold for five hours solid, wake up not knowing what day it is, or what the last meal you ate was.